Honeymoon's over...

well, it's been a while since I've sent an update to all, so here we go...

I started chemo 2 weeks ago today, and for the last 14 days I've been in somewhat of a fog. I kept telling everyone before the chemo started that I has on my "honeymoon" - I felt great since the surgery and had not yet started the chemo. Man, did I ever underestimate chemo! The first few days after treatment really knocked me out, no energy whatsoever. I started feeling much better over the weekend, only to be hit by a bus by the name of "side affects" early last week. At one point, I was dealing with six different side affects, ranging from annoying to downright painful. The whole ordeal literally had my oncologist scratching his head. By far the most painful were (are) the mouth sores. You know when you get a canker sore in your mouth, and it makes you miserable for a few days? Try having 15 - on your tongue, your lips, your cheeks, your throat...I know, I know, it's gross to even think about it! This all started on Tuesday and I basically didn't eat until yesterday (Sunday). Lost another 10 lbs. (again), and for those that know me well know that I don't have 10 to lose! I had somebody ask me if I was worried about losing my hair, which I probably won't because the blend of chemo I'm on doesn't make you lose your hair. After last week, I'd volunteer to go bald for life! Loosing your hair would be a walk in the park...

I visited the onc this morning, and got some rather good news. Instead of blasting me again today with more chemo they're giving me 2 weeks off. This comes as welcome news. My niece is getting married in Manteo on June 11, so now I can go to the coast, relax for a few days, and enjoy their wedding without being a zombie in a human suit. Plus I plan on eating as much fat, carbohydrates, and protein as I can in 2 weeks. Woohoo!!!

Continue to pray for God's will during this time in my life. I must admit, I've had a lot of time to reflect on where I'm at today, what I've accomplished so far in life, and what the future holds. When you really slow down and think, your mind tends to expand. The little things that I used to worry about are gone; too petty. Dealing with your own mortality is what causes the brain is expand. I had my first complete and utter emotional meltdown about a week ago, and even though the treatment nurses kept telling me it would come sooner or later, I denied it because I guess I was afraid of it. Well, the body and mind can only take so much until the dam breaks and it did for me last Sunday. But it felt good to get it out. Dealing with cancer and chemo is beyond your wildest imagination. You have to go way beyond fear and anxiety, which is something that (surprisingly) I don't feel. It's more about the anger, then the resentment that something like cancer can completely derail your everyday life. When's the last time you struggled to drink a glass of iced tea? You've heard me say this before and I'll say it again; be thankful for what you have today, now. Your health, your faith, your family. Not the house, the car, or the other stuff. Be thankful for the stuff that really counts.

Finally and once again, thanks to so many of you that have cooked meals, mowed the lawn, taken care of kids, etc. Things are little bit more "normal" today than they were 2 weeks ago, but the continued support of so many of you out there is still very much appreciated. Above all, the prayers are what mean the most to me. I'm on so many prayer lists that I can't keep track of them, but I'm thankful for them all. I keep getting emails from folks that I don't even know that say they are praying for me and my family. This is so touching, what a blessing. My oldest daughter Bre wrote me the most wonderful note over the weekend, about how God has a plan for all of us and in our most difficult times in life He is carrying us through the pain, through the challenges. I am so blessed.

Till next time, take care and Godspeed to you all. Brian.